Friday, August 26, 2011

Hurricane Preparation for the Noobs

Your hurricane shopping starts on the baking aisle, with the all-essential muffin mix. Now, you may see folks stocking up on matches, water, or batteries, but don't let them distract you from your goal. You are aiming for the baking aisle. Once you've bought all the ready-t0-make muffin mixes on the aisle, cleaned them out of cake mixes, and picked out five of every flavor of jello, you're ready to go home and get to work.

Now, depending on how close your hurricane is, you may not be able to make up ALL the muffins and mixes, but do your best. Keep that oven going right up until the minute the power cuts off. If family members protest, start screaming about water pouring into the house and starving children. That'll make 'em back off. When you're finished making muffins, take eight dozen and cram them into every crevice and cranny you can--around the doors and windows, behind electric outlets, around pipes under the sinks. You'll probably find that pumpkin muffins work best for bigger holes, while blueberry and chocolate chip work great on small ones. The cakes you made can go over the windows, if you want the extra security of protected glass. When you're finished with your muffin-plugging, mix up a package or two of jello, any color. Wait until it's almost gelafied, then pour it over your muffins and--voila! You've not only hurricane-proofed your house, you've also prepared emergency rations fit for royalty!

Now that your house is secure, fill your bathtubs and sinks with water--you may have heard others are doing this, but they're missing the essential last step--then mix up your jello flavors in the tubs, sinks, and even toilets if you feel like going the extra mile. This will make sure you have the liquids you'll need if water shortages follow the hurricane, while surrounding you with a cheerful rainbow of nutritious yumminess. Your neighbors are all going to envy this one. But--shhhh! Don't tell them. They like to see the noobs suffer through their first hurricane, but you'll be living it high!

Happy Hurricaning!!!

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